Why You Don’t Need to Worry (So Much) about Your Schooling Choices

Some parents seem to know exactly how they’re going to school their children from a very early age—whether homeschool, private school, or public school—never second-guessing themselves  at any point from kindergarten through twelfth grade.

That’s awesome. Terrific! I applaud those parents and commend them for their commitment to whichever school choice they’ve made for their kids. But this article isn’t for those parents.

This article is for the rest of us … the ones who struggle, sometimes every single year, with educational choices that will affect our children and our families in big ways. The ones who find themselves frequently reevaluating their children’s schooling situations. The ones who are sometimes caught in a cycle of self-doubt and worry over what the best school choices are for their children, or for one child in particular.

It’s easy (and understandable) for a parent to think that the schooling choices they make for their children will have tremendous, irreversible consequences … so they had better make the right decision, or else. It’s easy to think that you, as the parent, hold all the cards, and only you can determine your child’s future success, depending on the choice that you make when they’re three, or ten, or fifteen. And if all this were true, it would be a heavy burden indeed, and I’d be writing an article helping you decide exactly what to do so that you don’t screw everything up.

But I don’t need to write that article because if you’re a parent who cares enough to be reading about school choices, you won’t screw everything up. What I’ve learned (and observed) in more than 20 years of making educational decisions is that the choices we parents make are only one small part of what God is doing in the lives of each person in our families. In other words, even as a parent, I’m not nearly as important as I think I am (and that idea is actually true of the Christian life in general).

Not that schooling decisions aren’t important—they are. You’ll need to consider such things as finances, curriculum and academics, teaching methods, extracurricular activities, daily and yearly schedules, your own personal gifts and preferences, your family’s unique situation, and more. All of these aspects of education are important, and worth thinking about.

But many parents (moms, in particular)—and this includes me—have at some point believed these things, as well: that they have a very short window of time to make major educational decisions, that they have to make the right decisions right now, that their decisions will be irreversible, and that everything important about their child’s future hangs in the balance of whatever decisions they make.

It’s enough to cause a bit of panic in the heart of a parent. And I’m here to tell you that these things simply are not true.

You do have time, and your decisions are not irreversible. There can be more than one “right” decision, and God can work with any decision you make. And God has plans for your child that will not be derailed simply because you chose the “incorrect” school option.

Over the past 20+ years, my kids have mostly been homeschooled, but two have also attended public school for several years, and I’ve outsourced some of their homeschooling, especially in the upper grades. I’ve also personally taught English in public high school, I’ve subbed in public elementary schools, and I have many friends who attend or teach in schools of all kinds, including private Christian schools. Here are some things I’ve learned about schooling over the years:

I have personally done, at one time or another, every single thing on that list. I know many, many people who could say the same. The kids (now adults) turned out just fine. No one was harmed in the making of these educational choices.

That said, there are also a few things I would recommend not doing during these many years that you’re making educational decisions, such as:

Assuming that the choices you make for your oldest child will also apply to younger siblings. Every child is different and may require different schooling options.

Comparing your child or your family to others on social media, at church, at school, at the park—wherever. Make your choices based on your own kids, their needs, and your family’s needs, not on what someone else is doing.

Bad-mouthing other schooling choices in front of your kids. I hesitate to even write that, but I know it happens, so I’m going to say it anyway. You never know what the future holds for your family or for your kids. Your neutral or positive attitude toward other forms of schooling, especially in front of your children, will go a long way in fostering kindness and grace for others in your heart, and in theirs.

I know (from experience) that it seems sometimes like the burden of educational choice is totally on your shoulders, and that it is tremendously heavy. But I want to reassure you that it is manageable, and that you have more time than you think, more good options than you think, and that nothing is irreversible.

*                      *                      *                      *                      *

The topic of schooling choices is hugely popular among Christian parents, and I had the opportunity to speak with a couple of radio stations after this article was published. You can listen here:

Moody Radio podcast, 12 minutes

Pilgrim Radio “His People” program, 27 minutes

Want more encouragement in this area? For instance, how we can be paralyzed by the thought of needing to do the next right thing, when really, all we need to do is the next thing? Or about making parenting mistakes (because we all do) and finding hope after we do that?

Photo by Ray Shrewsberry on Unsplash